one back, one forward, one back, back, back

The other day in one of my many tearful calls to my husband after a doctor's appointment I said, 'who needs valleyfair when you have the rollercoaster that is our fertility'. It's up and it's way, way down - and I never ever know what's going to happen when I walk into that clinic. 

This cycle started on Femara and an increased dosage from last cycle's try. 

• Appointment 1: Doc didn't seeing any follicle growth and was visibly disappointed with the progress.
• Appointment 2: There was a little something there, enough that we could schedule another ultrasound (and get my hopes up).
• Appointment 3: A little follicle growth from appt 2. We decided to give it 5 days, ultrasound again and see where we were at.
• Appointment 4: Growth had halted. Cancelled cycle. See you next 'month' (I use month in quotes because for normal women, cycles are a month. For me; they could be years).

What a kick in the gut!

When the nurse called to give me the news she stuck to the party line in the infertility world ... "your best bet here is to try IVF". 

Gee, thanks. Call and give me terrible news and throw that at me... in a voicemail. 

What now?

Since there is not a response to the medicine that we're currently using we will have to jump up to injectables or gonadotropins. 

And, because it's better to laugh then cry - here is some infertility humor. Enjoy.

september updates

A looong overdue update - sorry I have been MIA lately. Things in our life, outside of baby making, have been pretty cool. We just got home from Tahoe and it was amazingly beautiful and a fun time with good friends. Phil and I both said that it is one the few places that we would really, really love to go back to!

UPDATES:

• We are in the middle of our 10th cycle, cycle day 11 to be exact. I'm at the doc tomorrow morning for an ultrasound that hopefully shows something more than the previous few. This cycle we stuck with the Femara and gave it one more go before we change drugs, dosages or both. This time it made me a little bit more irritable and had a few more headaches but it is much better compared to the Clomid the first round.  If good thoughts and cheers could be spared - we would take some tomorrow morning.

• I met this morning with another specialist - Dr. Chow and Endocrinology of Minneapolis to talk about my prolactin levels and what that means in the scope of getting pregnant. I learned so many things about the pituitary gland and how very important it is in controlling not only prolactin but a multitude of others functions

Growth Hormone (GH):

Thyroid-stimulating hormone (TSH)

Adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH)

Beta-endorphin (CRH)

Prolactin

Lutenizing hormone (LH)

Follicle Stimulating hormone (FSH) - this is the big one that could be affected. 

There is a possibility that there is a very small 'tumor' (non-cancerous) on the pituitary gland that would be interrupting the dopamine and would be increasing the prolactin. In order to determine all of these things I had to give mooorreee blood and if that comes back elevated again, we have to do an MRI to determine if it really is the small tumor that is causing the problems. If it is less than 1cm, we move ahead with drugs to increase the dopamine to take over the small mass. If it is greater than 1cm, it would require surgery to remove the mass and move forward with a different plan.

I really liked this doctor and he seemed to think that all roads lead to getting some answers that coupled with the fertility treatments that we’re already doing would result in a pregnancy!

I have been down this road of ‘hope’ before and have thought ‘this is it’ and then we’re still stuck in the same old pattern – so I am optimistic, but not overly so. We still have to wait a week for the results of the blood work before we even decide if there will be an MRI. So, again, if you have any extra well-wishes or cheers, Phil and I would love to take them off your hands!

xo - Amanda

Mr. Fallon

First of all, I'm obesessed with all things SNL and especially Weekend Update so you can reasonably deduce that I'm a big Jimmy Fallon fan. Also, I am so grateful to have people who speak out about their struggles with infertility. Jimmy Fallon recently revealed the story behind his daughter, Winnie's, name and his wife's struggle with infertility. My favorite quote and something I'm really going to take to heart is the following:

“We tried for a long time — five years. I know people have tried much longer but if anyone out there is trying and losing hope, just hang in there. Try every avenue, try anything you can do. You’ll get there. You’ll end up with a family. It is the most worth it thing. I’m just so happy right now, I’m freaking out.” -- Jimmy Fallon

The Mahal's are 'hanging in there' until we reach our goal of a family. Thanks Jimmy for your wise, wise words.

http://celebritybabies.people.com/2013/08/13/jimmy-fallon-daughter-name-lake-winnipesaukee/