Holy S*#t!

To be completely blunt, these past 5 years have sucked. Every single pregnancy announcement, every crying baby, every rejection, every needle, and every setback. The universe has tested me. Despite these years being the hardest of my life -- they've been the best. These years have made my marriage incredibly strong. They've made me incredibly strong. They've made me appreciative. They made me a(dog)mom. 

These years have been everything. 

These years have lead me to where I am today...

15 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby.

I am so overwhelmed with emotion even typing those words. 15. weeks. pregnant. healthy. baby.

How did we get here?

Our frozen embryo transfer (FET) took place in early August. And like our first cycle, everything went "perfect". Only this time I didn't follow the rules and started taking home pregnancy tests (HPTs) 5 days after the transfer. 

Positive, positive, positive. They were all positive. 

I tested everyday, multiple times per day. We should have bought stock in those tests. We'd be rich!

Then came the blood draw. The real test since the HPTs can be unreliable (the reason phil and my clinic told me to stay away).

You know the old adage "a watched pot never boils"? Maybe we would update it for the 21st century to be "a watched cell phone never rings". I watched and waited and at long last.. I missed the call.

Beta 1 = 649

The first beta is a good indication of how everything is going, but it needs to double in 48 hours or there could be cause for concern. 

Fertility treatments are one big waiting game. Waiting for calls. Waiting for results. Waiting for news - both good & bad. And waiting 2 measly days between beta blood tests. 

While I was still taking HPTs and they were still positive, there's no better indication that it worked than these darn blood tests.

Beta 2 = 2724

Holy S*#t! We were pregnant. 

But then we waited again. And this time longer than the 2 measly days between beta blood tests. Two whole weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks + anxiety. Anxiety is that evil bitch who rears her ugly head in the times when you need to keep her buried away. 

The morning of our first ultrasound finally came. Finally. And it should come as no surprise that I was a ball of emotions. While we waited for the tech, I made Phil tell me about his walk with Charlie that morning to keep the tears at bay. He told me the story to keep my mind off the baby and all I thought about was the baby. 

"There's the baby. There's the heartbeat" 

These 6 words might have had more impact on my life than any others. 

After another 2 weeks and another emotion filled ultrasound, we finally graduated from the reproductive endocrinologist. Sorry PLHS grads, this graduation day was far, far sweeter.

And, maybe best of all. Our first child is getting a sibling. 

So, that's it. Life is now filled with new anxieties and emotions but they're so, so welcome and we couldn't be more excited. Thanks for reading. Thanks for tagging along with us. Just, Thanks.

Hey, Remember me?

Hey, Remember me?

It's been a minute.

This post was either going to be 'yay! we're pregnant' or 'shoot, it didn't work - what's next?'. Unfortunately, it's the latter.

what happened?

I signed off in the midst of our cycle. Everything went literally perfect (I hate when people use literally when something didn't literally happen - but I assure that it's an appropriate use of the word).

egg retrieval - 17(!!) eggs retrieved

fertilization - 9(!!) eggs fertilized normally

8 of the 9 fertilized made it to the blastocyst stage. 

blastocyst - an embryo that has developed for five to seven days after fertilization and has two distinct cell types and a central cavity filled with fluid. The cells in a blastocyst have started to differentiate and the surface cells around the cavity are called the trophectoderm and will later develop into the placenta. The inner cell mass becomes the fetus.

EIGHT. 

It's almost unheard of. Above average. Excellent!

We transferred one perfect embryo. Per everything else, the transfer was flawless. To make the procedure more comfortable, my RE prescribes Valium. I've never had Valium and didn't quite know what to expect. Phil was thoroughly entertained because it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was slurring my words, stumbling and requested the drunk girl favorite; taco bell.  

Then we waited. 

The 9 days in between the embryo transfer and blood draw/beta seemed like an eternity and somehow I had enough willpower to not use any home pregnancy tests. 

I had grand plans to let the call with results go to voicemail and listen with Phil when we were together. That plan went completely out the window when my phone rang. I answered and frantically paced around our house while the nurse gave me the news... 

Beta #1 29.3. Low. Too low.
The preferred minimum number at our clinic is 30. So, we were so close.. pregnant!.. but low - so many emotions. I kept (incessantly) telling myself in the days between Beta 1 and 2 that what would be would be.

Beta #2 34.
The level didn't double as it should and it was confirmed that this was a Chemical Pregnancy (fancy phrase for miscarriage)

Naturally, we took the news hard and I had a good cry (or four), but hung our hats on the fact that we have 7 beautiful frozen embryos. We're incredibly lucky that even though this first cycle didn't result in a viable pregnancy, it set us up for success in the future.

what's next?

Frozen Embryo Transfer!
It's a very similar process to the full IVF but sans egg retrieval.


sign on / sign off.

I'm signing off.. again. We'll be keeping things low key and super positive. Cross anything you can for us; fingers, eyes, toes.. everything.


Cheers,
AM

pins & needles

One month and oh, so much has happened. 

Our clinic requires that we setup a 3-hour appointment to sign consent forms, perform a trial transfer (so the real embryo transfer goes off without a hitch) and discuss the plan one last time with our doc. 

Every minute of this massively long appointment went great. Everything has gone great. 

Until... 

The prescriptions. This was a debacle. 

DEBACLE.

My full list of medications was sent to the [crappy] pharmacy on Monday. I called a few times each day to make sure things were moving along as we're on a pretty tight timeline and we needed the goods by Friday. At the very latest.

Needless to say, I've cemented my position on their 'do not answer' list, but I finally recieved confirmation that our 15 pound box of drugs would be delivered on Friday between 8 am - 8 pm & needed to be signed for. Luckily, we have flexible jobs and were able to tag team all day so at least one of us was home.

4 - no package

5 - no package

6 - no package

At 6:45 I received a call from the [crappy] pharmacy with an unrelated question and while I had them on the phone... 

Um, It's 6:45, any idea when my package will be delivered?

Oh, someone was supposed to call you and let you know that it will be delivered tomorrow between 8 and 8. Looks like they didn't. You'll have it by tomorrow at this time. 

No.

And the flood gates opened. Through deep sobs, I begged her to do something.

At 9am the next morning the doorbell rang and I was greeted with a large package. Another Amazon box? No, just my mountain of medications. They're damn lucky too or they would have had an angry Phil and a crying Amanda after them. 

...

A typical day includes 2 injections, 2 AM pills and 4 PM pills. We are 5 days into this routine and I manage to go from the cool, confident girl to the over-googling, worried girl... in the same hour... and then back again. But, if I am being completely honest with you (and myself), all the needles, probes, worries and tears will all be worth it this time, or next time or the next time. 

Thank you to every single person who has sent us love & encouragement. 

On that note, I'm signing off.

IVF, pt. 2

Throughout all our infertility struggles, I've wondered how much to share and how much to keep private. Obviously, fertility issues are private in nature, but I am certain that the support of our family and friends has kept us going. So we're going to be transparent and we're going to keep sharing. 

Picking up where we left off...

After our informational meeting at our REs office, we setup a time to meet our new doctor. We wanted to meet and get to know the doctor who is going to be responsible for creating our family. She was great. She had studied our background and was very frank about our situation - my 'issue' is the signals my brain is sending. It's not Phil and it probably isn't even PCOS. 

What? Not PCOS?

 We have been told for years that because of my PCOS diagnosis, we'd have a hard time getting pregnant - turns out only one of those facts is true. 

Knowing that PCOS isn't the issue and that the IUI success rate is approximately 10% [what!?], we were on the IVF train. 

Since that meeting we've been in a whirlwind of planning, excitement, scheduling and decision making. One of the main decisions is if we should participate in our clinics warranty program. The warranty program that includes several cycles (both fresh and frozen) and if you are unsuccessful (aka no baby), your money is refunded. It's a pretty penny and a lot of commitment. And we're not sure if it's the plan for us. 

One day we've decided that we're moving forward with the warranty program. 

The next day we've decided that one cycle at a time is the right decision. 

And even when we think that we have everything figured out, we find ourselves revisiting stats and financials and talking each other in and out of everything. 

Final decision; TBD.

....

This weekend I started provera. This is the first step, the first pill - here we go. 

What's next? 

See below. 

We also both had infections disease panels completed. Physically, we're both doing great - no Hep B, C or HIV. 

Mentally? 

Phil is fine, patient and my eternal shoulder. 

Me, on the other hand, am worried and constantly questioning everything. 

What if it doesn't work?  What if we don't get any embryos? What if we do get embryos but they're abnormal? 

I don't have the answers. Phil doesn't have the answers. Our doctor doesn't have the answers. Because of that I'm left with hope. 

Hope that we're in the 66% (birth rate for women under 35 at my clinic). Hope that we'll navigate our way through this. Hope that all our struggles will be worth it in the end. 

...

We aren't defined by IVF so in addition to the excitement, we've got some other plans in the works for this spring & summer; landscaping, concerts concerts concerts (amanda), fishing & golf (phil), & spending time with our perfect puppy. 

As always, thanks for reading and for the incredibly kind comments and well wishes. We're so grateful. 

TERMINOLOGY

RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist

PCOS = Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome 
IUI = Intrauterine Insemination
IVF = In Vitro Fertilization 
Provera = A female hormone used to restore periods 

IVF

When I first met with my therapist in 2013 (yeah, you read that right - 2013) I vividly remember saying that IVF was not in the cards for Phil and I. It wasn't something that I was morally against, but, just.. no.

Fast forward 5 years.
I had a revelation at our last appointment when she/my therapist said 'Why aren't you doing IVF?'. It was a bold question and I didn't have an answer. Why weren't we? When I quickly answered 'no' in 2013 I had the the luxury of time. I was naive. There was no way that the process of having a baby would take this long. News flash: it is.

When I left, I called Phil and through tears I told him that IVF was our next step. His response; "I'm on board". Sounds simple enough, right? The undying support makes my heart explode.

Over the next few months we talked, thought, weighed our options and got excited about the future. Well, here we are.

We finally had our informational meeting with our clinic of choice last night.

We sat in a room with 10 other couples and learned about the next steps, process, doctors, best practices and yes, the money. It's so overwhelming.

We have appointments to finalize the details in the coming weeks and then the race is on.


There isn't much else to report today but I wanted to give an update. I wanted to let whoever is reading that I'm an open book. This journey isn't just ours, it's everyone who's supported us throughout the years and lead us to this point. The future is so exciting and we're ready.

Now we go..

Recovery & Reevaluation

It's National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and it's the perfect time to reflect on our infertility journey and reevaluate our approach & strategy and think about what's next. We have plans to resume treatment in 2017 but, as we have discovered in the past, taking time to recover from treatment is necessary.

So, what's next? 

Taking a few months off from the tests and treatments is vital. The only difficult part is getting back into the infertility routine; labs, appointments, medications, etc. You know how life goes; routines are life and adding something back in takes time, but I'm getting there. 

What are we doing?

Right now we're not doing anything with the assistance of medicine. We're taking time for our mental health and making ourselves our best selves.

We're back into a gym routine (lost over 10% of my body weight [insert heart eye emoji here]) 

We've put energy into designing and decorating our basement. 

We've had a lot of fun making new things in the kitchen [hey, blue apron!].

What's working? & What isn't? 

Nothing has helped us conceive yet (obviously). Would losing weight help? A different diet? Other treatments? Because nothing has worked, why not change it up?

I am working with my endocrinologist to get my prolactin levels under control. Will that help? Maybe. But it can't hurt and that's the boat that we're in right now. 

What can I do better?

Once we're back into treatments I need to keep my worldview broad. My life isn't defined by this one thing.

There you have it, an update (of sorts)

In a few short days I'll be in the valley of the sun for some hiking, relaxation and Vitamin D. The perfect reset button.

better. not bitter.

4 months since my last post. Sorry. I spent way too much time thinking about a clever re-intro, but came up with nothing. 

In the land of fertility treatments, nothing is new. We attempted two additional cycles since I last blogged with no success. And then the deja vu sets in; at a routine appointment my doctor noticed that my prolactin levels were increased - she ordered an MRI - the MRI was normal - I was referred to an endocrinologist - endocrinologist prescribes medication - we take a break. 

Sound familiar? If no, check out this post. 

In other news; I got inked. For my birthday, my incredibly thoughtful husband dog surprised me.. big time. The consult, appointment, everything was setup and ready for me. I was in awe of his thoughtfulness. So, what does my tattoo mean? It's initials and in morse code: 

PM, BM, CM

PM - Y'all should get this one. 

BM - Blube Mahal. When we were pregnant and found out that the pregnancy was lost, the baby was the size of a blueberry and we affectionately called it Blube. I'm not still 'holding on' to the loss or dwelling on the past, but Blube has shaped my life, marriage, strength, personality.. everything. It is a constant reminder (when I remember that I have a tattoo ;)). 

CM - Charlie Mahal. This is for the girl that made me a dog mom. I'll go ahead and spare the corniness, but her initials deserve a place on me forever. 

And, finally to the title of this blog post; better. not bitter. It is the New Year after all and time for resolutions. I want to be a better person, drink good wine, be thoughtful, have fun, try new things and be the best me. I can spend my time wallowing and being sad or I can be better.

Until next time... 

SaveSaveSaveSave

I'ma keep running

In my last post I mentioned that my body was responding to the injectables. It was a long 20+ days but things were moving in the right direction. Well, after the positive response, the follicles on the ovaries are stimulated and there are [approximately] 4 million additional hoops that need to be jumped through in order to get pregnant. 

Our first IUI did not work. The silver lining is this; we responded and arrived at the point where we could give it a shot!

The news was hard to hear. PJ brought home pizza, we drank good wine and cuddled with our girl; the best cure for a positively shitty day.

Just about the time where we came to accept our failure and were ready to move on, we find out that our next cycle is cancelled. Cancelled. Cancelled due to cysts on my ovaries. I'm telling you, infertility is not for the faint of heart.

This turn of events is not ideal but there is nothing we can do [have to keep telling myself that] so we keep our heads up and keep on keeping on. Keep our heads up and obviously take advice from Beyonce. 

Switching gears. Tyler's Married!

WOAH.

My little brother is hitched and we had a great time celebrating. I laughed, cried and was so proud of him. 

rehearsal dinner

sibs

best of the best

shots fired

Throughout this infertility journey there are good days and bad. There are days I feel like I can take on the world with a smile on face. There are days that I want to burst into tears at the sight of a pregnant belly. In the middle of a cycle, when I'm filled with hope, there are significantly more good days than bad. 

The 16th cycle is (so far) bringing the most hope - which in turn brings more good days. Win, win.

Why? 

Good question. 

In this blog post I talked about the possibility of moving toward the slow protocol or gonadotropins (who comes up with these names?). Well, that's what we're doing. Every night for the last 3 weeks I get a shot. It's not painful and it has become part of our routine. 

Surprisingly my insanely stubborn body is responding and I am left attempting to maintain a positive attitude. So that is what we'll do. 

RANDOMS:

1

I have talked about the lack of bedside manner at reproductive endocrinologist clinics in the past - it is typically bad. This week I experienced the most kindness and support at an REs office.. ever. I was so taken back and feel like I've found the diamond in the rough (corny!).

2

We just started watching The Night Of. Obviously by watching, I mean binging. It is really, really good (with the exception of John's eczema - ewh)

3

These words

memory lane

When I look back over my life there are moments and even whole days where every detail is so vivid. It is like the universe implanted the memory so deeply and clearly, there is no way I could forget. I remember exactly what I was wearing, exactly how I felt and exactly the way that day or moment impacted my life.

A few of these moments are: The day we first visited the Humane Society of pick out Charlie. The day Parker was born. The day we moved into our house. And undoubtadly the most important; June 29, 2006.

June 29, 2006.

It was a typical summer day - I slept in and worked at the country club. It's all pretty mundane until I did something so typically Amanda it hurts; locked my keys in my car. I remember panicking because Phil and I had our first date and I didn't want to be late! Fortunately a locksmith wasn't far and was on my way. 

By the time I got home I was freaking out because I had no clue what I was going to wear. Kaylee came over and helped me pick out a super original outfit; jeans and a white T. 

When Phil picked me up he came to the front door to get me and opened all my doors. I remember thinking that this is how a girl should be treated. We had a super glamorous meal at Champps. I remember where we sat and what we ate. I remember the complete lack of awkwardness.

At the end of the night we hugged (ass out :)). 10 years later; here we are with a pretty spectacular life together. 

Cheers to my main man. It's been an amazing 10 years, here's to 100 more. 

happy moments = happy life

I am starting this post in my freshly cleaned house with beautiful peonies staring at me (thanks, tyler), a cold glass of proseco and the smell of fresh cut grass wafting through the windows (thanks, phil). Life is pretty good - isn't it? 

I had an awesome reminder this week via a friend of a friend to be present (hey kaylz). It is not a new concept or not even on that I don't tell myself time after time, but sometimes even the best practices need a little nudge to the front of my brain. 

I sent her my thanks because it was a reminder that I desperately needed.

Along the same lines of presence, I am reminded of this quote that I stole from an instagrammer that I follow:

Maybe we're all wasting our lives waiting for something. A big promotion, summertime, the weekend, a baby. The constant waiting and lack of satisfaction can be seriously exhausting - believe me. 

I am going to set a reminder on my phone with a link to this blog post every so-often because it is far too easy to fall down the rabbit hole. The waiting/wishing/wanting rabbit hole. There are happy moments every single day that are worth celebrating. By celebrating the happy moments, we achieve the happy life. 

That said, I am off to throw some brats on the grill, drink some bubbles and enjoy.

one back, one forward, one back, back, back

The other day in one of my many tearful calls to my husband after a doctor's appointment I said, 'who needs valleyfair when you have the rollercoaster that is our fertility'. It's up and it's way, way down - and I never ever know what's going to happen when I walk into that clinic. 

This cycle started on Femara and an increased dosage from last cycle's try. 

• Appointment 1: Doc didn't seeing any follicle growth and was visibly disappointed with the progress.
• Appointment 2: There was a little something there, enough that we could schedule another ultrasound (and get my hopes up).
• Appointment 3: A little follicle growth from appt 2. We decided to give it 5 days, ultrasound again and see where we were at.
• Appointment 4: Growth had halted. Cancelled cycle. See you next 'month' (I use month in quotes because for normal women, cycles are a month. For me; they could be years).

What a kick in the gut!

When the nurse called to give me the news she stuck to the party line in the infertility world ... "your best bet here is to try IVF". 

Gee, thanks. Call and give me terrible news and throw that at me... in a voicemail. 

What now?

Since there is not a response to the medicine that we're currently using we will have to jump up to injectables or gonadotropins. 

And, because it's better to laugh then cry - here is some infertility humor. Enjoy.

mother's day

I love my mom, all my grandmas, my mother-in-law, my godmother and all the mothers in my life. I look up to and admire my friends that are mothers. I am thankful for all of them and all the women in my life. But, this day is so. hard.

Amid the celebrations of all things maternal, I'm forced to have skin so much thicker than I ever imagined I would (i am kind of a wimp). Scrolling through Instagram is like punch after punch in the gut. The day is a reminder of something that comes so easy to others and is (seemingly) impossible for us. 

To add a little more sting to this day, if our last medicated cycle had gone as planned, we would have tested today - positive or negative - wouldn't that have been a great way to celebrate the day? A positive! Now, don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that my doctors don't move ahead with procedures unless the circumstances are just right on, but, still. 

All this 'woe is me' is not my style. I want to honor all moms:

moms with little ones,

those who have lost their moms,

those who long to be mothers,

soon-to-be moms

and those who are mothers despite the absence of children (aka dogs moms :)). 

Cheers to the moms out there. All moms. Moms in every shape and form. Have a glass of wine, kick up your feet, this day's for you and you've earned it.

Resolution

As I write this I have a basket full of laundry at the foot of my bed that needs to be put away, a slew of prescriptions that need to be picked up and a mask on my face that needs to be washed off - all needing a resolution. All of these things give me a little bit of a twitch and a feeling of anxiousness knowing that there are things that I need to accomplish. 

Going wayyy back to my days in grade school there is a clear way write a story; conflict, climax and resolution. You have to present the problem that the characters must contend with, work the problem up to the peak and then offer a fitting conclusion (resolution). 

All those years and the teachers were giving us a life lesson (and a way to write a halfway decent story). That said, it is hard when you're in 4th grade to think of the conflict as anything other than you're mom and dad won't let you get the latest Hanson CD or have a sleepover with your best friends. Yes, I'm sure I cried and the parents caved and bought the CD for me on our way to my friend's house - but that's beside the point. 

Is life one big story or are their mini stories? I am in the climax stage of me washing this mask off my face and in the conflict stage of putting the laundry away (phil will do it!). In the grand scheme we're smack dab in the middle of the climax and the resolution; our problem is being worked up and up and up and we're (patiently) waiting for the resolution -- that one thing that we all crave. 

I think that is all the ramblings that I have for now. Now, I'm going to wash this mask off my face and cuddle with my puppy and that is all the resolution that I need for today.

How about an Update?

As mentioned in a previous blog post (here), Phil and I are back in the game. What have we been up to since then? Here are the numbers:

1 consult appointment

7 blood draws

1 hysterosalpingogram (hsg)

6 filled prescriptions

5 pills per day

After all that, we're ready to really start. I'm giddly like a school girl today because yet another obstacle has been cleared. 

On our nightly walk last night I told Phil that I don't like surprises; I'd rather have everything spoiled. This applies to The Bachelor, movies, TV shows and most importantly - our future. 

Spoiler (n): the element of a disseminated summary or description of any piece of information that reveals any plot elements which threaten to give away important details concerning the turn of events in a dramatic episode.

The good news is, our future has already been spoiled (in my eyes): we are going to have a baby; be a family; live happily ever after. Now that is cleared up, we just need to get there. Slowly, but surely.

Things Could Always Be Worse

Sometimes a day is just a day. The pits. A no good, very bad day. Days when it seems like it would be a good idea to climb back in bed than to continue with my adult-y duties. These days happen - to everybody.

Today I had the opportunity to volunteer with several of my colleagues at Feed My Starving Children. This is a great foundation that purchases, packs and ships meals to third world countries - and feeds children (hence the name). Today we packed 46 boxes of food - 36 bags of food per box - 6 meals per bag. Do the math (because I can't). I was a part of feeding these children, and to be honest, had a great time doing it. It didn't hurt that we had a couple of adult beverages afterwards to celebrate our philanthropy. 

Doing things like this, volunteering, really put life in perspective.

So, back my point that there are just days sometimes. Yes, I have days. Days that I want to crawl back in bed, but life could be worse. Doesn't it make sense to find the silver lining? To look for the positive? To smile even though something is tearing up your insides? 

Yes, it does.

There are children who are hungry. Families who are struggling. People are going through things far worse than I. So, I vow to keep my chin up and hear the birds chirping because life is pretty darn good, isn't it?

back on the horse...

What a whirlwind the last 4 months have been. After the aforementioned move and the holidays, we've finally been able to take a deep breath. While enjoying our new home, we decided that one thing was still missing... a baby. There are countless posts on my blog about us trying, experiencing loss and taking (massive) breaks. 

We've been on a 'break' since the end of 2014, but now feels like the right time. If you ask anyone when the 'right' time to have a baby is - they will say never. There's never a right time. 

But this feels like the most right time ever (for us).

Obviously giving it the good ol' college try didn't work so we started at a new Reproductive Endocrinologist. 

My new RE had to have the following attributions:

1 - don't tell me that IVF is the only way that I will be a mom.

2 - please, act like I'm a person.

3 - understand me and my past and how it shapes me and my decisions now.

Our new place succeeded and met all of my demands (without me making them, of course). 

We did the meet & great, talked about the past, talked about the future. It felt great. They wanted to re-test EVERYTHING - 8 vials of blood later we know the following:

- my prolactin is elevated (we knew that already)

- my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) is elevated (we did NOT know that)

What now:

- medications to regulate my TSH, then back for bloodwork

- then ultrasounds, meds, syringes -- the whole kit & caboodle. 

Thanks for reading. Thanks for being a support to my dude & I. Just, Thanks. 

6 months?

Woah.

It's been 6 months since my last blog post and A LOT has happened. 

AUGUST - 

we took a little trip CO with good friends and experienced all that the mountains have to offer.

unedited. unfiltered. 

OCTOBER - 

WE MOVED INTO OUR NEW HOME! 

We started the house search early in the summer and after a lot of duds we found our home, fell in love, made an offer and the rest is history.

wellll, maybe it wasn't quite that easy!

Moving day was difficult and super challenging but as Phil and I kept reminding each other - "we're on the same team". 

It wasn't long before this place started to feel like home. 

DECEMBER - 

My favorite month of the year; no question. Phil took me to LA. I turned 30. Hosted our first big holiday. It was great, magical and every other corny word that I can use. 

cruising on the PCH on my bday

santa monic pier ferris wheel

santa monica pier

toys for tots donation

the crew

typical

best of the best

carving the bird

Cheers, here's the new year & to blogging more.

Lately

Lately I've been...

COOKING

Homemade skinny french fries. These have been a staple with all grill-outs at the Mahal house. Super simple. Super delicious. 

preheat oven to 425

cut up several potatoes and place them in a bowl with ice and water for 

10 minutes (this will make them nice and crispy!)

toss the potatoes in olive oil and lay on parchment paper - season as desired 

(I've been using rosemary) 

bake for 25 minutes, flip, cook for an additional 10-15.

DRINKING
Fruit infused waters; cucumber, mint, strawberry, lemon. If it's delicious - I'm infusing it!

READING
The Girl on the Train! It's the Book Club book of July.

PLAYING
with Charlie.

WASTING
Time .. watching the Bachelorette. It's such trashy television but it's like a car crash - I can't stop. I really do like Kaitlyn, she's unapologetic and I think that it's a key characteristic in these reality dating shows. 

WISHING
That summer would stop moving so quickly!

LOVING
My husband

WEARING
dresses. every. single. day!

It's so much easier to throw on a dress and a pair of flats and head off to work - especially in the warm summer months.

FOLLOWING
The 2016 presidential election. I know, I know it's early but I really enjoy the debates, banter and everything else that will go on in the next 18ish months.

Give Grace

Every time I hear of a bloggers, news organization or anyone speaking out about infertility, my ears perk up and my heart smiles. I blogged about it during NIAW week that 1 in 8 couples are affected by infertility but still people don't talk. 

Women remain silent and hurt. Men don't share. 

The latest blog is a new one to my repertoire; Scarlet & Gold Designs. They've started a Give Grace campaign - you have to see these designs! Beautiful gold foil prints all designed based on their personal struggles with infertility. 

100% of the proceeds will go towards sending these women to the creme de la creme of fertility docs in the country. Once they've received their treatment - they're continuing the collection and donating the proceeds to help more couples struggling to start a family; either through IVF or adoption. 

Read more about the campaign here.

more reading: the ugly truth of IVF

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us

We hope that you will join us in our #GiveGrace™ movement to break the silence about infertility and to become more open about all our struggles. There is so much freedom in being real and sharing with honesty and vulnerability. With each purchase, we will be including two gold metallic Give Grace™ temporary tattoos. We encourage you to wear the first one and post a picture, telling your friends what giving grace means to you. Then, share the second one with someone who needs encouragement. Together, we can be a light in this dark world and can help carry each other’s burdens. Will you join us?

So, maybe pick up a beautiful print and do something good today. 

#givegrace