How about an Update?

As mentioned in a previous blog post (here), Phil and I are back in the game. What have we been up to since then? Here are the numbers:

1 consult appointment

7 blood draws

1 hysterosalpingogram (hsg)

6 filled prescriptions

5 pills per day

After all that, we're ready to really start. I'm giddly like a school girl today because yet another obstacle has been cleared. 

On our nightly walk last night I told Phil that I don't like surprises; I'd rather have everything spoiled. This applies to The Bachelor, movies, TV shows and most importantly - our future. 

Spoiler (n): the element of a disseminated summary or description of any piece of information that reveals any plot elements which threaten to give away important details concerning the turn of events in a dramatic episode.

The good news is, our future has already been spoiled (in my eyes): we are going to have a baby; be a family; live happily ever after. Now that is cleared up, we just need to get there. Slowly, but surely.

back on the horse...

What a whirlwind the last 4 months have been. After the aforementioned move and the holidays, we've finally been able to take a deep breath. While enjoying our new home, we decided that one thing was still missing... a baby. There are countless posts on my blog about us trying, experiencing loss and taking (massive) breaks. 

We've been on a 'break' since the end of 2014, but now feels like the right time. If you ask anyone when the 'right' time to have a baby is - they will say never. There's never a right time. 

But this feels like the most right time ever (for us).

Obviously giving it the good ol' college try didn't work so we started at a new Reproductive Endocrinologist. 

My new RE had to have the following attributions:

1 - don't tell me that IVF is the only way that I will be a mom.

2 - please, act like I'm a person.

3 - understand me and my past and how it shapes me and my decisions now.

Our new place succeeded and met all of my demands (without me making them, of course). 

We did the meet & great, talked about the past, talked about the future. It felt great. They wanted to re-test EVERYTHING - 8 vials of blood later we know the following:

- my prolactin is elevated (we knew that already)

- my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) is elevated (we did NOT know that)

What now:

- medications to regulate my TSH, then back for bloodwork

- then ultrasounds, meds, syringes -- the whole kit & caboodle. 

Thanks for reading. Thanks for being a support to my dude & I. Just, Thanks. 

Nov 2013 Updates + A Sign Off (for now)

I am going to attempt to recap the last month or so of our lives in a tiny little blog post. I left off on October 10 - We started and are still in cycle 11 and month 22 and 23. My doctor decided we were going to go with the same protocol as the previous cycle but with an increased dosage of the meds - 7.5 mg of Femara for 5 days, Oct 14-18. I went in for the normal monitoring appointment and there was no growth of follicles. Back in three days - nothing.

In the meantime I had my MRI to check on my pituitary gland (http://madasm.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/prolactin/). It was a semi-traumatic experience. My darling husband came along but had to wait in the lobby the whole time. The nice tech started telling me about what was going to happen and I cried - not an ugly cry or an all out cry - but, tears just falling out of my eyes. Unexplained, I guess you could call it. It was time for the IV crew and it took three different folks FIVE tries to start an IV on me -- see bruised vein below. 

It turned about that everything in my brain was 'normal'. Phil may disagree :). I started a medication that should decrease my prolactin levels which hopefully will help in the aid of getting knocked up!

On 10/30 this cycle started to unravel. Phil and I had a meeting with Dr. E to discuss what's happening and where we go from here. It went terrible. She mentioned IVF 6 times AFTER we told her that it's not in the cards for us. The conversation went a bit like this:

dr. e - is it financial?

mahals - that is a part of it, but not all of it. it is just something we have discussed and it's not going to be our route to being parents.

dr. e - let me show you the stats.

mahals - no thanks, we're not going to do IVF

dr. e - it gives you the best chance to be parents

mahals - while we understand that, we don't want to do that.

I had an ultrasound that same day which still showed nothing so we started another injectable called Follistim. It is a Follicle Stimulating hormone which is supposed to do just that - stimulate my follicles into growing, cooperating!! Three days of injects - nothing. Three more days of injects - nothing.

Then I get another phone call from Dr. E and she goes through the whole song and dance about 'how are you doing?', 'hang in there', we'll get it. And then she said... wait for it... 'you guys should really consider IVF'.

WHAT? I WATCHED YOU WRITE IN YOUR LITTLE NOTEBOOK THAT WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO THAT - IT'S NOT FOR US. WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THIS UP AGAIN? WHY, WHY WHY??

I said, more firmly this time, 'NO, we are not going to do that'. And she said to me, 'Well, I guess we will have to do this slow, tedious process then.'

Done. I haven't been back to that clinic again and will not be going back. If I have learned anything in the last 24 months (besides how strong i am sometimes) it's that you really have to be in charge of your own care. You have to do your research. If something isn't working out - change it.

With all that said - we are on a break. We are not doing any ultrasounds, blood draws, Phil isn't stabbing me with injects.. NOTHING for the rest of 2013. We're going to re-evaluate our situation and find a Reproductive Endo that I can trust and will have a little bit of empathy. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy the Holidays with my amazingly supportive Husband and drink copious amounts of wine :)

While going through my old FB posts I found this little nugget. This is something that I posted right around the beginning of our journey to become parents and it's beyond true. We will keep taking step after step until we reach our goal!

I know my posts have been few and far between but I am signing off until 2014.

Happy Holidays, all.

XO -

AM

cycle 10/ month 21

My last post was less than a month ago, which shouldn't be a huge accomplishment. This cycle was a roller coaster of emotions:

Started on August 30 with the normal routine; ultrasound, plan, go. We decided to go with Femara of 5mg for five days and then reevaluation of what was going on.

On September 12, I had my normal ultrasound which showed no growth of follicles and I left the office thinking that we were done again this cycle. I got a phone call from Dr. E later in the afternoon and she suggested we strongly consider IVF since she's having a difficult time making me ovulate. Phil and I have discussed IVF in the past and it's absolutely off the table at the current moment - it's not even up for discussion. This was particularly devastating to me: you can't make me ovulate? this is my only option? what? She made the determination that we were going to go with a 'stair-step'. This means that instead of taking provera and waiting for AF we were going to jump right back into Femara and do another 5 day dose but at 7.5 mg this time. Drugs, ultrasound, repeat.

On September 23, another ultrasound which showed two follicles of measurable size; a 11.5 mm and a 15 mm and good lining! It was time to use the stored HCG (Ovidrel) shot that we've had in the fridge since May! That night, Phil followed the instructions and stabbed me with the needle. The following two days, the 24th and 25th, I had two positive Ovulations tests - that's new!

Then, I (im)patiently waited for October 7 to take a pregnancy test. Negative. Negative. Negative.

Are we bummed? Yes, of course. But, we have a plan that 'worked' and hopefully it will again. This treatment coupled with getting my Prolactin levels figured out could be a winning combination. Fingers crossed, right? Here we go - on to the next one.

bummed, but optimistic

We are currently wrapping up cycle 8 of our baby journey. You may think to yourself, '8 cycles.. 8 months. that's not bad'. My cycles are not short and sweet. My longest cycle was 135 days and the average of all 8 is 70 days. Now that we are at the RE we are a little more regular than before. But to us 8 cycles = 19 months.

This cycle was our first medicated cycle and it was a learning experience for both of us. We learned that drugs make me crazy, Philip is the best husband ever and that it takes me 27 minutes to get to the doc in Minneapolis. We also talked alot about follicles.

Ovarian follicles are the basic units of female reproductive biology, each of which is composed of roughly spherical aggregations of cells found in the ovary. They contain a single oocyte (immature ovum or egg). These structures are periodically initiated to grow and develop, culminating in ovulation of usually a single competent oocyte in humans. These eggs/ova are developed only once every menstrual cycle (e.g. once a month in humans). via Wikipedia

We are done with this cycle because I did not have enough mature follicles to move ahead with the IUI. I am bummed, but optimistic (hence the title). We will meet with the doctor and reevaluate everything - what do we do now? up the meds? change meds? These will be all the questions that we ask when we go back.

Schedule of Cycle 8

CD2:  Ultrasound

CD3-7: Clomid 50mg

CD12: Ultrasound

CD15: Ultrasound

CD18: Ultrasound

Thanks all for reading. Have a great weekend and keep enjoyin' that summer.

WE HAVE A PLAN!!!

I have never been more excited about a doctor appointment in my life. After waiting for what felt like forever Phil and I had an appointment with a RE! After my last appointment with my OB I was desperately hoping that she would listen to my concerns and say all the right things. Phil even said if she didn't hear me out he was going to get up and leave.. We had these concerns for no reason because we loooved our RE, the clinic, the nursing staff.. EVERYTHING. I couldn't believe it.

The Plan: I am started on 10 days of provera to start AF. On CD3 I'm going back in for a fasting blood draw and an ultrasound. On CD12 I will go back for another ultrasound and then we'll start Clomid - 50mg at first. We are going to do that + and Ovidrel shot and IUI (inter uterine insemination).

Philly will also have to have his dudes checked out. I will do an HSG and have all my levels checked.

I can't believe this is our plan...

Our RE told us that she gave us a 40% chance of being pregnant within THREE MONTHS. THREE!

I will do my best to keep this updated as we continue on this journey.



xo - Amanda