Nov 2013 Updates + A Sign Off (for now)

I am going to attempt to recap the last month or so of our lives in a tiny little blog post. I left off on October 10 - We started and are still in cycle 11 and month 22 and 23. My doctor decided we were going to go with the same protocol as the previous cycle but with an increased dosage of the meds - 7.5 mg of Femara for 5 days, Oct 14-18. I went in for the normal monitoring appointment and there was no growth of follicles. Back in three days - nothing.

In the meantime I had my MRI to check on my pituitary gland (http://madasm.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/prolactin/). It was a semi-traumatic experience. My darling husband came along but had to wait in the lobby the whole time. The nice tech started telling me about what was going to happen and I cried - not an ugly cry or an all out cry - but, tears just falling out of my eyes. Unexplained, I guess you could call it. It was time for the IV crew and it took three different folks FIVE tries to start an IV on me -- see bruised vein below. 

It turned about that everything in my brain was 'normal'. Phil may disagree :). I started a medication that should decrease my prolactin levels which hopefully will help in the aid of getting knocked up!

On 10/30 this cycle started to unravel. Phil and I had a meeting with Dr. E to discuss what's happening and where we go from here. It went terrible. She mentioned IVF 6 times AFTER we told her that it's not in the cards for us. The conversation went a bit like this:

dr. e - is it financial?

mahals - that is a part of it, but not all of it. it is just something we have discussed and it's not going to be our route to being parents.

dr. e - let me show you the stats.

mahals - no thanks, we're not going to do IVF

dr. e - it gives you the best chance to be parents

mahals - while we understand that, we don't want to do that.

I had an ultrasound that same day which still showed nothing so we started another injectable called Follistim. It is a Follicle Stimulating hormone which is supposed to do just that - stimulate my follicles into growing, cooperating!! Three days of injects - nothing. Three more days of injects - nothing.

Then I get another phone call from Dr. E and she goes through the whole song and dance about 'how are you doing?', 'hang in there', we'll get it. And then she said... wait for it... 'you guys should really consider IVF'.

WHAT? I WATCHED YOU WRITE IN YOUR LITTLE NOTEBOOK THAT WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO THAT - IT'S NOT FOR US. WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THIS UP AGAIN? WHY, WHY WHY??

I said, more firmly this time, 'NO, we are not going to do that'. And she said to me, 'Well, I guess we will have to do this slow, tedious process then.'

Done. I haven't been back to that clinic again and will not be going back. If I have learned anything in the last 24 months (besides how strong i am sometimes) it's that you really have to be in charge of your own care. You have to do your research. If something isn't working out - change it.

With all that said - we are on a break. We are not doing any ultrasounds, blood draws, Phil isn't stabbing me with injects.. NOTHING for the rest of 2013. We're going to re-evaluate our situation and find a Reproductive Endo that I can trust and will have a little bit of empathy. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy the Holidays with my amazingly supportive Husband and drink copious amounts of wine :)

While going through my old FB posts I found this little nugget. This is something that I posted right around the beginning of our journey to become parents and it's beyond true. We will keep taking step after step until we reach our goal!

I know my posts have been few and far between but I am signing off until 2014.

Happy Holidays, all.

XO -

AM