May 16th

May 16.

The due date of our little Blube. The day that I knew would eventually come but had initally hoped that it would be filled with labor, a little one and lots of happy tears - this is obviously not going to be the case. Now it's a normal Thursday - work, hair appointment and maybe happy hour to toast our little Blube.

mothers day

Mothers Day was tough. I didn't think it was going to be.. at all! I woke up and checked my twitter and facebook - like I do every morning - and it was like Mothers Day threw up all over my social media. And I cried.

We went to Home Depot to pick up some flowers. And I cried.

We came home and got ready for brunch. And I cried... Are you getting the theme here?

After brunch I took a long, amazing nap and woke up to a text from my bffffff, Em. There was a post on FB that she wanted to check out. I think it's so thoughtful and powerful that I just want to read it every day:

To those who gave birth this year to their first child - we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year - we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains - we appreciate  you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions or running away - we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears and disappointment - we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don't mean to make this harder than it is

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms or spiritual moms - we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children - we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache and distance with your children - we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year - we grieve with you

To those who experience abuse at the hands of your own mother - we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood - we are better for having your in our midst

To those who have aborted children - we remember them and you on this day

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children - we mourn that live has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent - we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love of grandchildren yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year - we grieve and rejoice with you

To those who placed children up for adoption - we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart

And to this who are pregnant with new live, both expected and surprising - we anticipate with you

This Mothers Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

No matter how hard Mother's Day was for me, there are real amazing women - Mothers and non - who are truly amazing. I am so lucky to have each and every one of them in my life.

Enough of the mushy stuff. Happy Monday, y'all.

xo - Amanda

One Step Forward - Two Steps Back

I had my first baseline ultrasound this morning and the nurse and u/s tech said a lot of things that went over my head. I came away with the following: I had some cysts that were quite large and the doctor may want to sit this cycle out and hopefully let those clear up. Nurse Dory said we needed to do more blood work and then Dr. Erickson would make the final call.

I got to work and waited.. and waited.. and waited.

I finally got the call and we're out this cycle. No drugs, no IUI, no trigger shots. They want the stupid cyst to clear up and hopefully we'll give it a shot again later.

Doctor. Wait. Drugs to start AF. AF. Doctor. Wait. The cycle starts again.

I can't say I'm not disappointed but as my best friend Em pointed out.. It's okay to have 'days' and trust me.. I'm having one. Crying in my cube has become an art.

I'm going fishing with the Husband tonight.. with beers. It will be the pick me up that I need as long as the sun stays out and we don't get snow or some craziness.

Cycle 6 on this extended TTC journey is a wait cycle because of the stupid, dumb cyst. Hopefully cycle 7 will be a go.

The Waiting Game

I have to imagine that waiting for CD1 is not going to be as difficult as waiting for other tests and drugs to start mid-cycle .. but that's where we are. Provera is finished and now, we wait.

CD1 and CD3 are the next big days but they could start in a week or tomorrow. We will see!

Abbrevs

After my last post I realized that I talk in abbreviations and some may not be obvious.

#
2WW - Two-week wait until time to take pregnancy test (approximately 14 days after ovulation)

a
AF - Aunt Flo (menstruation)

b
BBT - Basal Body Temperature
BD - Big Deed (baby making sex)
BFN or BF0 - Big Fat Negative (home pregnancy test result)
BFP - Big Fat Positive (home pregnancy test result)
BIL - Brother-in-Law
BW or B/W - Blood Work

c
CD - Cycle day
CM - Cervical Mucus


d
D&C - Dilation & Curettage
DPO - Days past ovulation

e
E2 - Estradiol
EDD - Estimated Due Date
EPT - Early Pregnancy Test
ER - Emergency Room
EWCM - Egg White Cervical Mucus

f
FMU - First morning urine
FP - Follicular Phase
FRER - First Response Early Response
FSH - Follicle Stimulating Hormone

h
HCG - Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
HRT - Hormone Replacement Therapy
HSC - Hysteroscopy
HSG - Hysterosalpingogram

i
IB - Implantation Bleeding
IF - Infertility
IR- Insulin Resistant
IUI - Intra-uterine Insemination
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization

k
KU- Knocked Up  

l
LAP - Laparoscopy
LH - Luteinizing Hormone
LMP - Last Menstrual Period
LP - Luteal phase
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect

m
MC - Miscarriage
MS - Morning Sickness


o
O - Ovulation
OB - Obstetrician
OB/GYN - Obstetrician/Gynecologist
OPK - Ovulation Predictor Kit
OPT - Ovulation Predictor Test
OTC - Over-the-counter
OV - Ovulation

p
P4 - Progesterone
PCO, PCOD - Polycystic Ovary Disease
PCOS (POS) - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
PG - Pregnancy or Pregnant
PM- Private Message
PMS - Premenstrual Syndrome 
PNV - Prenatal vitamin
POAS - Pee On A Stick

r
RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist

s
S/A - Sperm/semen analysis

t
TI - Timed Intercourse
TRH - Thyroid Releasing Hormone
TSH - Thyroid Stimulating Hormone
TTC - Trying To Conceive

u
US or u/s - Ultrasound
UTI - Urinary Tract Infection

WE HAVE A PLAN!!!

I have never been more excited about a doctor appointment in my life. After waiting for what felt like forever Phil and I had an appointment with a RE! After my last appointment with my OB I was desperately hoping that she would listen to my concerns and say all the right things. Phil even said if she didn't hear me out he was going to get up and leave.. We had these concerns for no reason because we loooved our RE, the clinic, the nursing staff.. EVERYTHING. I couldn't believe it.

The Plan: I am started on 10 days of provera to start AF. On CD3 I'm going back in for a fasting blood draw and an ultrasound. On CD12 I will go back for another ultrasound and then we'll start Clomid - 50mg at first. We are going to do that + and Ovidrel shot and IUI (inter uterine insemination).

Philly will also have to have his dudes checked out. I will do an HSG and have all my levels checked.

I can't believe this is our plan...

Our RE told us that she gave us a 40% chance of being pregnant within THREE MONTHS. THREE!

I will do my best to keep this updated as we continue on this journey.



xo - Amanda

Friday Favorites

Friday Favorites:

favorite song:

macklemore & ryan lewis ft. mary lambert // same love

 favorite weekend diy:

chunky infinity scarf -- for my etsy shop, of course!

 

// conquista malbec:

most excited for this weekend:

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ON SNL

i have no problem admitting that I am a SNL Rube. it is my favorite show on television. JT brings it every. single. time he hosts and he will NOT disappoint tomorrow night. I can't wait!

Have a great weekend everyone.