Resolve

Resolve.org is a fantastic resourse that I discovered this April during National Infertility Awareness Week. It has crazy cool tools, directories of doctors, support groups, etc. One of my favorite articles was about Coping Techniques. Some of the things they pointed out were Ah-Ha moments for me when it comes to my darling Husband:

Give yourself permission to cry and be angry:

Don't try to shut off your feelings. If you need to cry about the unfairness of one more pregnancy announcement, go ahead. If you need to pound a pillow or pummel a punching bag, do it. When you try to "snap out of it," you waste all your energy.

Give your spouse/partner permission to feel and cope differently than you:

If you're a wife, don't waste energy trying to get your husband to feel as devastated as you do. If you're a husband, don't try to get your wife to be "more like a man"
forgetting about infertility except when she's at the doctor's office or in the bedroom.

DING DING DING. It took me a really long time to realize that Phil and I handle EVERYTHING differently. He's much more stoic and rational and I stomp my feet and pout like a child. Allowing ourselves to cope differently and to allow each other to cope differently has made a huuuge difference.

Improve your communication about Infertility:

You might try what I call "The Twenty Minute Rule", which forces you to limit the amount of time you talk about infertility in a given evening.

After I read this article on coping techniques I decided to immediately implement this into our day-to-day. Talking about it too much brings me down and it makes much much more sense to give it 20 minutes to recognize and then move on.

Tell your spouse/parter how you want to be helped:

But partners are mere humans, incapable of mind reading. If you need to pass up the family gathering that features five nieces and nephews under two, then say so. If you want to be hugged, or massaged, or left alone for a few minutes, or just listened to without any response, you'll be more likely to get what you want if you ask.

I love my Husband, but he's not a mind reader. So far in our journey he has really done what I needed at any given moment but when I want to be left alone or hugged - I will tell him becuase if he does the opposite, I will get upset and then we're in an even more rough spot. This rule is also applicable to many, many more areas of life.

Get more information:

One of the worst facets of stress is uncertainty about the future. You can't get a crystal ball, but you can reduce some of your uncertainty by collecting information.

Why can't I have a crystal ball??

If anyone is looking for more information - I highly recommend resolve.org.